Guidance: He always said if this is the hardest thing that we have to go through we are going to be more than fine in life

Ephesians 3:16-19
     "I Pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filed to measure of all the fullness of God."

This year I have truly put my faith in the Holy Spirit.  As I reflect on all the good things that I received, I come to the realization of how limitless the spirit of God really is. He is so good to me! In order to really look at how my life has benefited from the Holy Spirit and God, I have to travel back in time to June 29th, 2012, when I jumped on a plane to Houston, TX.  I had just finished taking the LSAT about a week and half earlier, and I was eager to see Josh.  The plane arrived late in the evening with all my luggage.

Earlier that week, my parents had informed me that I either move out or start paying rent. I had come home to study for the LSAT for about a month and a half. After the exam, I needed to decide what I was going to do. So I decided to pack my bags and move back to CO.

As, Mr. Bob Roth elaborately stated in one of his articles titled, Are You Raising A Self-Sufficient Student?, ..."children who are more mature listen carefully, analyze information, see other points of view, use good judgment, see the big picture, make sacrifices, help their friends and do the right thing. These students respect their parents and value their opinions and suggestions. Self-sufficient students display a maturity beyond their age."  In my parents views, self-sufficient means also being independent financially.  I didn't want to pay my parents rent, nor did I want to stay in a house as an unwanted invitee, so I quickly packed up my items.

Now my parents are generous. I grew up knowing that generosity comes with sacrifice. I was taught to save so that I could always provide myself with the basics.  Saving my money taught me to cherish the simple moments like the sunshine, the wind rustling the tree leaves, an embrace of a loved one that you have not seen for a while, and the like.  Most moments that we cherish and memories that we have do not center around specific things, but rather people. What I mean is that, in the end, no matter how things or items you are able to purchase, how much stuff you can accumulate, the moments with the people, nature, and animals are the only things that you truly collect. You should savor all the moments in which you have stepped out of your life and thought about who you are and who you've been so you can become closer to who you should be. 

I have so many moments that I cherish, but I want to go over specifically my moments within this past year.  Getting back to June 29th 2012, I stepped out of the Houston Airport Baggage Claim late in the evening, in search of a person I had never met. Josh was not able to arrive until the next morning. So he had a friend pick me up.  I will never forget how relieved I was to see Rusty waving.  He had parked behind the second lane pickup stop, not realizing how much luggage I had till he saw it spew all over the paved median.  I had packed my entire closet so that I could attempt to move back to CO. I just stood there laughing at myself - of course, you should never pack more than you can carry, but then again how are you going to move across country completely financially independent.  I tell you how, cheaply.  You spend your savings on two extra luggage bags to be tossed onto a plane. I knew why Josh was friends with Rusty he is a great easy going guy and that honestly was exactly who I needed to pick me up from that crazy busy Houston Airport.

The next morning, started off great! I met Josh's mom and B-Man. His mom and Bernie are amazing. I am forever grateful to that wonderful day that they arrived to pick me up and take me to the airport to see Josh. I will never forget seeing him walk out of the arrival area.  He was so happy to see me! You see earlier that evening Josh drove from 1am after working about an eight hour shift to Denver arriving around 4am to the Denver airport. He boarded the plane at 6am and arrived around 11am. Can you imagine? God protected him all the way to the airport. As I think of all that could have happened, all that did happen was way better than I could have ever imagined it!

Later that afternoon, I met almost everyone at Pappadeaux's.  Josh's mom side of the family is so lively and sweet, oh! and most importantly, funny!    The weekend became even more sweet when I met Josh's Dad and Janie.  His dad always carries a smile and laughs so heartfully.  In fact, all Josh's Aunts and Uncles on Janie's side were full of smiles, kind and encouraging words and fun stories.  Everyone that I met had witty anecdotes mixed with loving comments - everyone including Josh's friends were full of just goodness.

Josh was born into the Jackpot when it comes to family.  But most importantly, I had hit the Jackpot of Guys when it comes to Josh.  As I reminisce on all the stories from his family and friends, it seems like Josh got the best from all his family and friends.

After that weekend, I was so excited to move back to CO.  I "temporarily" moved in with Josh, which was never the plan, but God had a plan.  I tried to find work as soon as possible.  I rushed into a job that was futile and plainly not right, but God decided to open the door to a job, where I was warmly welcomed. The job was business based.  I was blessed with a business trip to Chicago and learned all about setting up a business - extremely important.  God was just paving the path for me. The living situation for Josh and I was hard. We had a roommate situation that was not ideal, but Josh always had faith and hope.  I cannot tell you how important that is.  Josh is the most faithful person I know.  He believes that everything is always going to work out.  He always said if this is the hardest thing that we have to go through we are going to be more than fine in life.  We are fine, thank God and thank all those who lovingly helped us. 

What Josh and I have been through is nowhere near hard, but I had just left all my comforts.  I left my family in Wisconsin, and I had left knowing that I was termed "financially independent."  I did not know how different it would be to not be able to call my dad or mom and say how tough things. If I did call my dad, I would get the answer, "you will figure it out.  This is only going to help you grow."  I kept fighting that statement. Thinking, "how does being financially independent, but not stable help you grow?"  Finally, in December, I moved out to my own place.  I had new challenges, but I was proud that I could provide for myself. I was proud that I could buy Christmas presents.  God provided for me and in return, I gave back to him.  I wanted to be able to give to others and I wanted to have as many moments filled with unconditional love as possible. 

Every great memory that I have with Josh revolves around the two of us doing and making things possible so that we can enjoy being surrounded by all those that we love and cherish.  From the walks, the free summer concerts, the holidays, the birthdays, the weddings, the bike rides, trips to visit those that we love, the car rides, to the little things like the pictures of the sunsets that he takes, the grocery store trips, sitting out in the warm sun together, God provided all those experiences for us to enjoy together. I am so thankful for God and he really is limitless.  There are so many experiences even within the past month like asking God to see Cary one more time and I got the chance before she passed, asking God to keep Josh safe so that I could see him for his 29th Birthday in 2012, asking for the chance to see my sister this past summer, and even asking God to help me throw a birthday party that Josh would enjoy for his 30th.  He gave me all of Josh's family and friends.

Everytime I have prayed to God and said God please help me, I have no idea how to do this. I don't know what to do.  God always provides and he provides me more than I could ever imagine.  I sit down to write a blog today, and I feel so thankful that all the people whom I have had the beautiful opportunity to meet within this past year are so blessed and I pray that you are given an abundance because you truly have made an impression in my life - a very good impression. Thank you again for your sincere kindness, genuineness, and love. I pray that Josh and I will someday soon be able to give and provide just as generously as you have taught us so that the cycle never ends.

A New Chapter

"Many people will Walk in and out of your Life, but only True Loving Individuals will leave footprints in your Heart."  After a tumultuous past week, with feelings of hope intertwined with feelings of loss, I thought that I needed to take a break from blogging.  So here I am catching up! Ten days ago, I traveled to Wisconsin to see a very close and dear Cary, known as my Tayuka, which means grandmother in Lakota.  By the Sixteenth of August, her heart and kidneys were physical failing.  She was in and out of a comatose state. 

Upon my arrival at the beautiful and recently built rehabilitation center and long-term care facility where Cary was residing, I marched through the main doors armed with my bible, my mother, my sister, and sage. One of Cary's favorite remedies consisted of burning sage.  This practice is an ancient one focusing on ridding areas of your home and environment of evil, dark spirits and shadows. The sage, especially when burned, is such a strong scent that many believe it drives evil spirits from the area.  If anyone has ever volunteered or had the fortunate event of visiting one of these beautifully manicured and landscaped facilities that consist of multiple floors and units, you must know, and I should say anyone with common sense must know, that you cannot burn sage.  Infact, you cannot burn anything. Most individuals in these facilities, like Cary are on Oxygen - highly flammable.

So imagine, a young twenty year old woman marching into one of these facilities with her bible in one hand and a handful of sage in the other.  Her mother quietly walking behind and whispering, "it's 104, the room number, Hannah, stop marching, Hannah!" And her sister, giggling as her mothers' whispers do nothing to stop this young twenty year old on a mission to see a woman who in her mind is a strong spiritual healer and is just deprived of her favorite child (haha yep me!).  And even more so, when she hears this young twenty year old's voice, this older woman whose physical body is failing will open her eyes and immediately get better. 

Honestly, who doesn't go into one of these care facilities thinking that he or she is the one that is going to make everything right.  I highly recommend volunteering in a care facility. You will immediately understand why it is so hard not to march in with the intent and belief that you can make the difference.

Continuing to walk, almost stumbling over my steps down two flights of stairs to the long term care unit, where I proceeded following a long narrow hallway to the very end. The nurses conspicuously followed me to the room, numbered 104 on a gold plaque outside the large door. I walked in the door and said exasperatedly, "Cary I am here!"  There was no answer or movement. She simply laid there with her eyes closed breathing in oxygen. Her nose and mouth looked dry and the skin was cracking.  Oxygen is very drying.  

I let the tears stream down my face. The nurses stood plainly in the doorway just staring. They didn't offer me a tissue or say it will be ok. They didn't know what to make of me. It wasn't until my mom and sister who quietly asked to come in from behind the two nurses blocking the entry way into the room from the hallway, did they stop staring and quickly move out of the way with a sort of huff, as if my mother and sister were a startling nuance that just so happened to direct them back to their duties. I picked up the sage and said Cary I brought you sage. I kept acting like she was going to wake up any minute. I had rehearsed exactly how the visit was going to go, and what I was going to do once I arrived. The key is to not think. You have to plan your actions ahead of time.  I handed her the sage and then I thought what the heck let's just put the bundle of sage close to her nose, maybe she will be able to smell it.  Still she didn't wake. So I said Cary I am going to give you Reiki.  She didn't move. I drew the symbols in the air and said them outloud. I carefully placed my hands over Cary's head and began to breathe. 

My mother, my sister, and I are all third generation reiki healers.  We each have symbols placed in our aura that assist us with moving stagnant energy around the body.  Reiki is alot like chiropractics and acupuncture, only without the physical movements and needles. You need to know the body so you can move the energy around and you can either place the hands over certain areas or you can have them hover above the body. Reiki is always focused on moving stagnant energy, which can be very harmful, from an area laden with excessive energy to the outside world or to other areas in the body so that each area is balanced. The areas are known as chakras. There are seven basic chakras in your body and these emulate intense beneficial and positive energy when they are balanced. If you are a spiritual healer, all of your chakras are balanced.  The balance is key to creating and passing positive energy onto others.  

Cary is a well-known spiritual healer. She is a second generation reiki master from Hawayo Takata, who is one of the original masters. Usui Sensei began the practice of reiki. He fasted for 21 days on Mount Kurama, where he was given a vision of how to place his hands on others in a form of healing.  Cary also received healings from the John of God,  MataAmritanandamayi, Amean Hameed, an infamous Tibetan Monk, and many more individuals that I have or have not had the pleasure of meeting in person.  She also survived two near death experiences, which means that she was pronounced dead for a period of time longer than a few minutes and then, resumed life activity.  Can you imagine meeting Cary?  She could see your past, touch your future, and be forever in heart during the present. She was so strong that I met many who flew to see her just to be touched by her. 

Being one of my closest companions during my dramatic teenage and early adult years, Cary taught me how to see the present, she taught me how to forgive the past, and to hold on and hope in the future. Nonjudgmental in her beliefs and actions, she profoundly changed my entire life path.

I am forever grateful to Cary.  When I was around the age of ten years, she chose our family to mentor. With her fellowship, I began meditating, reiki, and buffalo drummings at the very young age of eleven.  Carys' talents and wisdom combined with my young age and naivete motivated my practice.  I soon could see and hear so many wondrous elements of the spiritual world. I heard the flutes of the Lakotas and even saw the animal spirits who often rid our ailments.  Animals are an important element to any spiritual healer because of their innate protective behavior.

I practiced up until I went to college, and then sometimes during college. When I graduated, I continued to move farther away from the gifts Cary had instilled in my soul and being.  I was afraid to practice without Cary around because I believed that people would think I was crazy.  I did not want people to view me as different or not "normal" especially not during college, and after college, well that could be even worse! I could be considered an outcast! 

When you are young and do not know the world as it is in all its grace and disasters, you are at ease with the teachings and practices of your elders because you truly believe they hold the key to wisdom. They are the ones that beautifully manicure and landscape your realm of knowledge. 
 
I was given the gift of insight, even more so, the emotional companion of insight which is compassion from Cary - an amazing gift. 

Insightfully, I proceeded to give Cary a healing, and when she didn't wake, I decided to call Amean. It was Amean who provided Cary with a healing that awoke her from her comatose state. She spoke three words, "thank you, perfect, and amazing."  She laughed and listened to our stories. Can you imagine someone whose heart beat is so slow - the nurses even insisted on us saying our goodbyes - waking up after someone over the phone provides them with a healing? 

It was then that I realized that Cary's biggest desire was for me to continue learning all of the wonders that are combined with the faith and love of healing.  You must have faith to practice reiki or meditate, which is quieting your mind into a blank state.  You must have faith that God's gift of light and energy will flow through you.  I do not possess God's gift rather it flows through me to the person to whom I give Reiki to.  I am healed in the process of giving rather than receiving and those who receive reiki from me provide me with more strength and faith that I can continue to give. 
Reiki is cyclical just like nature. Everything that is good and full of love is cyclical for when one things receives, it must always give back and in giving back, it will continue to receive.

I will be beginning a new chapter in my life.  I have a new job.  I have old goals like scoring high enough on the LSAT to receive substantial funding, and I am going to embark on a journey where I will develop my gifts.  I sincerely believe that everyone has the ability to be the footprint in anyone's heart.  I appreciate all of those people who continue to support me, but not only do they support me, they also continue to sincerely love me.  Thank you for you have all been footprints in my heart and will continue to be.